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Being famous has often been in the forefront of my mind. When I was a young boy, I used to pretend a lot. Not about being a firefighter or a policeman or an astronaut -- nothing of the seemingly "normal" sort. No, I'd pretend that I was always on camera, and that there was a television station dedicated solely to me, illustrating my life in all its aspects. So I'd act, alone, as though the world was watching my every move with anticipation of what antics I would perform next. My station's offerings were somewhat diluted with theme songs and intermissions featuring the comedic outputs of pets, stuffed animals, and even action figures, simply to add a bit more variety to the show. Much of my childhood was consumed by this vision of a television station about me. The only real question is whether or not I was fully aware of the absolute difference between my fictitious existence as a global adolescent superstar and my real life. Was any of it real? I suppose I couldn't stay in the clouds forever; not everything is glamorous.
I am an only child and, as such, expect attention on a regular basis. Although that seems like a lofty goal for anybody, it was a tendency which I suckled from regularly. So what does an only child do when he or she is not being lavished with attention at any given moment? Pretend that the attention is there through mental simulation (also known as the television station). Hmmm... that could explain why I lived within this fantasy for so long.
Here I am, many years later, and although the splendor of having my face plastered across televisions screen all over the world has faded to almost obscurity, there is still a floating obsession with being famous and beloved by all. My passion towards the nature of this fame has shifted significantly, from being the all-around center of attention to part of a more collective attention-seeking body. In university in particular, I became ensconced by old reruns of Beverly Hills 90210. Powerful storylines, stupid characters, and a fanbase that clung to the cast like you wouldn't believe. I pictured myself amongst them as a dark anti-socialite (perhaps not too far off base from my own life) who was taken into the Walsh household as a boarder after Brandon finds he is not living well. (...Yeah, I know. I doubt you know who I'm referring to. Just go along with it.) Later on, I'd show myself as a successful musician but isolated from his former friends (though loyal nonetheless). Maybe I'd even get involved with Brenda Walsh... oh wait, she left after Season 4 -- well, I could've prevented that. Er...anyway...
This past weekend, I felt quite depressed and anxiety-ridden because I came to a sad realization, thanks to the influence of Degrassi, yet another teen drama that seems to be exploding with popularity: I'm never going to be a world-famous actor, or anything else world-famous. The most I'll ever be is a writer of a small website (which you're now visiting). And the glamour and excitement that comes with said fame, it's not going to happen. Instead, I will be stuck in what I considered at the time to be an unfulfilling life. I had been laid off without any promising prospects, the gaming I was undertaking was far from exciting, I have no friends in town, and even writing did not distill my scorn. I went crazy. I couldn't think straight, and I couldn't find one iota of joy in my life. Although I feel a bit better now, for a brief moment in time, I felt as though life was meaningless and there would never be satisfaction. It wasn't until I reminded myself about all the things I am thankful for (my girlfriend, Mega Man, root beer, tomato & feta pizza... all the good stuff...) that I began to feel better about what life has to offer.
So I want to advise you, fair reader, that there is more to life than fame and fortune. You can find enjoyment just about everywhere you look. And in fact, sometime I should also discuss why exactly celebrity status is often so alluring when, in fact, there's probably more nonsense to it that would kill the experience. Sure, you could "earn" millions, but at what cost? My advice now to everyone who is not at a Hollywood party right now is to sit back in your chair, sofa, or igloo, have a good stretch, and bask in all the wonderful people and things around you that make you feel good.
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